Blog and Toad are Friends

Women's Jobs in India

2009-08-12T14:07:00.002-05:00

I love stereotypes. My favorite occupation is "Sports Girl."

Hypothetical Books That Would Be Controversial If They Existed #1

2009-07-11T15:55:00.003-05:00

A Post That Will Be Updated As Soon As I Get Un-Lazy Enough To Photoshop More Covers.

Deadbeats!

2009-06-03T22:51:00.003-05:00

I love that pun.

The Sexsational Sam Beam

2009-05-17T18:43:00.003-05:00

Or, as you might know him, the dude from Iron & Wine. I think it should be a new rule that every indie folk act should have to take pictures like this and make them the covers for their albums.

This Dude Clearly Wrote His Own Bio on IMDB

2009-04-08T14:34:00.003-05:00

So the other day, my co-worker Beth had to deal with this dude named Breck Wilson. Apparently, Breck spent some time working in Hollywood. He now manages some Rockabilly band from Joplin, MO, and wants KXUA to help them, since Breck is going to buy the old Gypsy venue here in Fayetteville and is going to start a reality show centered around this band, which will air on MTV at some point. God, I love lunatics. But this story gets even better. So Beth and I are trying to show our other co-workers what this guy looks like, so we Googled him. And was it ever worthwhile. He wasn't lying about being in Hollywood, as he has an IMDB entry that is the gift that keeps on giving:

Biography for
Breck Wilson

Height
5' 11" (1.80 m)
Mini Biography

Breck Wilson was born in Carthage, Missouri and attended college at the University of Arkansas in Fayetteville. In 1990 he headed west on Route 66 out of Carthage and landed on the Santa Monica Pier. When confronted by the Pacific Ocean, he decided to back track briefly 22 miles to Hollywood. After regrouping with an employment stint at the Hard Rock Cafe among many other unmentionables, he finally crossed the Pacific to spend most of the early 1990's modeling between Tokyo, Milan, Paris and finally New York City. Most high-profile modeling work includes runway appearances with D & G and Versace in Milan as well as a Bugle Boy campaign and photo shoots in Vanity Fair back in the states. His first break into the film industry was acting opposite Sir Anthony Hopkins portraying a drug-addict in 1995's "Nixon". He has been working within the entertainment industry ever since and has recently launched his own production company.
IMDb Mini Biography By: Heather Horner
Trivia

No relation to Bridgette Wilson, although he admits that many fans have asked him about this.
Born in Carthage Missouri, which is also the hometown of Preston Lacy, of Jackass Fame.

According to the IMDB entry for Nixon, Breck is listed simply as "Hippie (uncredited)" in the cast list for the film. All this is good and well by itself, but then Breck gives us the icing on the cake with this:

Random Blogs

2009-03-11T23:13:00.002-05:00

So in researching other blogs, I have been using Blogger's "Next Blog" feature. I started off the evening by getting three consecutive blogs that mainly featured pictures of boobs, before getting to a blog about some children in China. The next blog was headlined with this image:

In a cosmic sense, this seems like a logical progression, for some reason.

I Forgot I Even Had This Picture...

2009-03-08T16:09:00.002-05:00

My brother and I found this a long time ago on Flickr, but I just forgot to post it...

This Is What the Digital Age Is Responsible For...

2009-03-08T12:39:00.011-05:00

OK, so I don't know why I've not been searching random blogs actively to find cannon fodder for blog posts. I'm not going to tell you what I Googled to find this (it was NOT Japanese Porn), as I really don't want y'all to know, but oh, man. I think the picture makes it. I think it might be a cactus and a seahorse?

Back in Bland Cliches

A blackened moth bashes against a yellowed lamppost. Time and again, he finds no love.

So as my readers may have noticed I have been absent for a while and did not post a Halloween special, for which I sincerely apologize. It’s a long sordid story of excuses as to why, involving one or more of the following:

1. Depression

2. Japanese Porn that no one should ever ever look at

3. Illness

4. Writing a novel

5. Applying to schools

6. Shame for not blogging.

Here’s a picture, as promised, made by me in paint. Ranting follows.

[She then talks about some political stuff and NPR, which I'm omitting, as the next section is far more rewarding.]

...Though, I suppose as with all things radicals play their role. However, I may have to turn the dial next time they come on the radio. Classical music, ahhhhh.

Final Comments:

a. Novel

If any one wants to read my novel (it’s terrible), I am open to posting chapters online. It’s not going to sell, so some one might as well enjoy it. It’s about chicks and vampires. There is plenty of blood, sex, and drugs, none of that Stephenie Meyer censorship mind you.

b. Halloween Craft:

I was feeling particularly domestic one day, so I decorated a storage box for my boy friend’s herbal substances. With some glass jars for sugar, ribbon, and glitter sticks for scrap booking, I made a little portable apothecary box for him. Pictures of it, hmm, maybe, some day…

If you’re serious about herb, however, the best way to go is ordering jars from the Container Store. They sell all sorts with silicon seals at around $3, much better than paying a smoke shop $16 to have the same jar with “THC” puff painted on it.

c. Weird Music

To soother my anger, I’ve been listening to “Opium” by Emilie Simon. It’s got a hypnotic quality that makes me feel like sailing on oceans of peace.

Also, Claire Diterzi and Emilie Autumn are fun for an afternoon drive.

More anger next time and may that time be soon.

PS: I love everyone’s comments. Seriously, they warm my bitter little heart. Not even kidding. I’m tearing up a little, but then again that may be hormones.

When Machines Exceed Human Intelligence, They'll Make Really Bad Electronic Music

2009-03-04T11:35:00.006-06:00

So the other day I was wondering, "What will happen When Machines Exceed Human Intelligence?" Luckily, this new album from Harmonic 313 explained this scenario for me in the liner notes to their album When Machines Exceed Human Intelligence:

"Today I would like to ask you a very important question: what happens when machines exceed human intelligence?

"No small question indeed and maybe you think it is a matter far away into the future. But based on my current research, this is not so, and the answer may be closer than you think.

"I would like to extend my heartfelt thanks to my good friend Professor Vernon Vinge and his gift of foresight for giving the answer to my question a name: the technological singularity. As with those self same entities found in astrophysics, a singularity represents a point at which the known laws of the universe break down. As such, it surely follows that to move beyond this point requires new ideas, new science and new technology. It is the responsibility of the scientific community to bring our knowledge up to this boundary point and produce explanations, techniques and devices that embody our wealth of information and creativity. It is the machines themselves that will have to take the next part of the journey: crossing the boundary and stepping into the unknown - and for us, the unknowable.

"With this mandate, I seek to push back the frontiers of what it means to be intelligent.

"I would like to consider three scenarios in relation to the technological singularity and how the machines of this time (AI year zero) could react to their environment. These have been the main areas for study in the programme I have been supervising. Some of the ideas you may have already come across and others may be completely new to you. The possibilities are as immense and intricate as Borges' Library of Babel.

"SCENARIO 1 - ANNIHILATION
"This scenario is a favourite in the science fiction genre. The self realisation of intelligent machines and its consequences has been explored in motion pictures such as Terminator, Wargames and Westworld. The common thread in all these explorations is the identification of man as master and threat. However, our studies into AI suggest that it is not self-evident that machines would react in such ways that are all too obviously human. Although possible, this scenario is best viewed as allegory rather than science fact.

"SCENARIO 2 - ASSIMILATION
"This scenario, explored in the richly detailed literature of William Gibson and Professor Vinge himself, focuses on the fusion of the organic and synthetic worlds. This relationship is based on co-operation and mutual benefit.

"Technological enhancements that exhibit highly developed symbiotic processes could be a far reaching consequence of reaching the singularity. Such augmentation of human beings posits some very interesting ideas about personal identity and what it means to be human. More importantly perhaps, what it means to be an intelligent machine when the machines themselves can tell us. This biotechnological assimilation would challenge our most deep seated ideas about life and alter the course of evolution beyond imagination.

"SCENARIO 3 - ASYMMETRIFICATION
"This scenario has provided a fertile area for study. Working from the assumption that machines, when more intelligent than humans, will continue to evolve at an exponentially faster rate and lose all connections to initial human input, it has been my contention to explore what machines can achieve in the fields traditionally associated with human creative endeavour. Six months ago, I invited the Harmonic 313 research laboratory to investigate.

"The area that has produced the most exciting results is in music composition and production. Scenario 2 has already given us the hearing aid and the induction loop - assistive technologies that work in harmony with the human ear. The whole process of modern music is heavily dependent on technology. Its creation involves programs running on machines that talk to machines that send data to machines that encode a signal to be decoded and reproduced by more machines. The only organic element is the air molecules that vibrate.

"Even this element can be eliminated using the exciting physics of quantum entanglement. This non-local phenomenon means that encoders and decoders can be constructed that convey information at faster than light speeds. One day, I envisage that this technology can be shrunk to the size of modern personal stereo headphones. The Harmonic 313 laboratory has already produced a prototype version that fits simply into the ear.

"The creative process itself has generated so much interesting data that it will keep our analysts busy for years. The Artificially Intelligent agents formed a collective mindset where information and knowledge were shared in a complex storage system with advanced protocols. This web of co-operation allowed various programs to assume specific roles in the production process but which also referred back to a master program that functioned as would the conductor of an orchestra. This self-organising system quickly produced astonishing results.

"But what would this lecture be without a little demonstration? My colleagues at the Harmonic 313 laboratory have been supervising programs making music on machines that have been communicating with other machines in previously unimaginable ways and producing real results. The sophisticated interplay has created non-linear, multi-variable sound structures, with dissonant space-time metrics. To the untrained ear, the music may sound like a cacophony, comprising of atonal sounds, awkward rhythms and uneven production. However, be assured that this is not the case. So please plug in the small white prototype headphones that have been provided and enjoy this demonstration of the future of digital music. When machines exceed human intelligence, it might just, er, go a little something like this."

More Fun With Facebook's Auto-Complete Function

2009-02-05T14:04:00.003-06:00

So I already did a post on the awesome place names that can be found using Facebook's auto-complete feature. When you type in a letter, it basically brings up the most popular entries that start with that letter, so I thought it'd be fun to discover what are the most popular entries on profiles by letter. I found the following things:

Will Ferrell movies are among the most popular things in existence; Anchorman is more popular than both art and the phrase "and many more"; Elf is more popular than Eric Clapton (although I couldn't care less); and Old School is more popular than the outdoors.
Entourage is more popular than eating.
Family Guy is more popular than friends (this is probably the NBC show Friends, but I like the idea of it being more popular than real friends anyway.)
The Gilmore Girls are more popular than girls.
House is more popular than Hip-Hop.
Indiana Jones is exceeded in popularity by both Incubus and "I don't read."
The only author to appear in the Top 10 for any letter is vulgar romance novelist Zane.
Queens of the Stone Age are more popular than Queens of the Stoneage.
While the Bible is popular, it's less popular than The Killers and That 70's Show.

This post is a result of my labors through a Survey of 19th Century American Literature class.

Popularity by Letter

Anchorman
America's Next Top Model
And many more
Art
American Idol
Apple Students
A Walk To Remember
Angels and Demons
AC/DC
Arrested Development

Basketball
Boondock Saints
Baseball
Bob Marley
Blow
Braveheart
Ben Folds
Bob Dylan
Billy Madison
Blink 182

Country
Cold Play
Chris Moyles Show
Cars
Cooking
Camping
Catcher in the Rye
Counting Crows
Classic Rock
Classical

Dancing
Desperate Housewives
Death Cab For Cutie
Dirty Dancing
Dave Matthews Band
Dumb and Dumber
Donnie Darko
Dance
Dashboard Confessional
Dodgeball

Etc.
Entourage
Eating
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Eminem
Er
Everybody Loves Raymond
Elf
Eric Clapton
Evanescence

Family Guy
Friends
Football
Fight Club
Fall Out Boy
Futurama
Finding Nemo
Family
Fishing
Foo Fighters

Grey's Anatomy
Gilmore Girls
Gladiator
Green Day
Garden State
Golf
Goo Goo Dolls
Girls
Guitar
Goodfellas

Harry Potter
Hanging Out With Friends
House
Hip Hop
Heroes
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Hockey
Hiking
Happy Gilmore
Hanging Out

Incubus
I don't read
Indiana Jones
Imogen Heap
Intern
Ice Age
Interpol
Iron & Wine
I Love New York
I Heart Huckabees

Jack Johnson
John Mayer
Joker
Jazz
Johnny Cash
Jimmy Eat World
Jay-Z
Jimi Hendrix
Justin Timberlake
Journey

Kill Bill
Kanye West
Kelly Clarkson
Kenny Chesney
Keith Urban
King of Queens
Keane
Korn
Kinder Surprise
King of the Hill

Lost
Lord of the Rings
Laguna Beach
Led Zeppelin
Law & Order
Los Viernes
Linkin Park
Love Actually
Love and Basketball
Little Miss Sunshine

Movies
Mean Girls
Monks Protest in Burma
Metallica
Modest Mouse
Moulin Rouge
Maroon 5
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Man on Fire
Memoirs of a Geisha

Nip / Tuck
Napoleon Dynamite
Nirvana
Nickelback
Nas
Nastia Liukin
Norah Jones
Nightmare Before Christmas
Nelly Furtado
None

Old School
Office Space
One Tree Hill
Oasis
OAR
Outdoors
Ocean's 11
Outkast
Oldies
Oprah

Prison Break
Pretty Much Anything
Pulp Fiction
Pink Floyd
Partying
Photography
Pride & Prejudice
Pirates of the Carribean
Panic! At the Disco
Project Runway

Queen
Queens of the Stone Age
Queen of the Damned
Queer as Folk
Qi
Quietdrive
Quicksilver
Queens of the Stoneage
Queensland Maroons
Queer Eye For the Straight Guy

Reading
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Rap
R&B
Rock
Running
Radiohead
Read World
Rascal Flatts
Remember the Titans

Simpsons
Shopping
Scrubs
Soccer
Sex & the City
Sleeping
Seinfeld
Shawshank Redemption
Singing
Snowboarding

The Beatles
The Da Vinci Code
The Killers
That 70's Show
The Bible
The Fray
Tennis
The Hills
The Departed
Taking Back Sunday

U2
Ugly Betty
Usher
Underoath
Usain Bolt
Underworld
UFC
Ultimate Frisbee
Unwritten Law
Universidad de Chile

Volleyball
Videogames
V For Vendetta
Van Wilder
Vin Diesel
Van Morrison
Varsity Blues
Van Halen
Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Veronica Mars

Wedding Crashers
Working Out
Writing
Weezer
Watching Movies
Working
Will & Grace
Work
Walk the Line
Windows Live Messenger

X-Men
X-Files
XBox
Xkcd
Xavier Rudd
Xxx
Xbox 360
XFactor
X Men
X-men Trilogy

Yellowcard
Yoga
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Young Jeezy
You've Got Mail
Yes
Ying Yang Twins
You Me and Dupree
Yes Dear
Young Frankenstein

Zoolander
Zara
Zinedine Yazid Zidane
Zero 7
Zidane
ZZ Top
Zeppelin
Zane
Zepplin
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

I Wonder How Many Gears That There Dragon's Got...

2009-01-13T19:58:00.003-06:00

That's a nice steering wheel you got there...

Blogging Once Again! AND Rad Facial Expression #3!

2009-01-08T22:55:00.004-06:00

It's been so long since I've updated this thing, but I think I'm back to doing this with some regularity.

So I went back through this blog and realized I had gotten off track a little bit from my original purpose with posts about how shitty the Indiana Jones movie was and how awesome Pootie Tang is. Yeah, both posts were full of real, factual information, but they didn't add to what I was trying to do with this blog.

However, I think I'm back on track now. I'm more well-rested than I've been in years, and I'm ready to light it up with some facial expressions and all-around weirdness concerning the ways some people construct reality for themselves.

This facial expression actually was found not while looking for facial expressions, but while scouring World of Warcraft messageboards looking for other material for blog posts. From what I gathered in skimming the posts on the board, I think this guy created the "ultimate mod" for WoW. I have no idea what that means, but that's definitely the face of a man who looks like he feels like he accomplished something BIG.

More to come later!

Rad Facial Expression #2

2008-07-09T21:57:00.002-05:00

Real Places in the Real World

2008-07-06T11:07:00.003-05:00

So I recently discovered Facebook will no longer allow you to create fake hometowns on your main profile page. This is a downer. However, it is also a huge blessing in disguise, as it now helps you find the name of the town you are looking for. In the wrong hands, this is a hugely useful tool for finding the best place names in the world. Oh, and the flag of Mozambique is hardly related to this post, but it does have an AK on it, which is pretty rad.

List of Places (and some of these definitely aren't pronounced the way I think they are, but whatev)

Batman, Turkey
Shit, Iran
Fucking, Austria
Dead Chinaman, Papua New Guinea
Anuscat, Haiti
Hell, Norway
Tupac, Philippines
Dude, Pakistan
Assmanns, Poland
Zombi, Haiti
Igloo, AK
Satan, North Korea
Badasso, Côte d'Ivoire
Good Grief, ID
Nas, Philippines
Terror, Venezuela
Anger, Germany
Hate, Czech Republic
Love, The Bahamas
Slave Island, Sri Lanka

And for the man who has everything...a tie-rack motor!

2008-06-13T23:10:00.024-05:00

OK, so if you've been on airplanes, you've probably seen Sky Mall, the magazine in which you can order all kinds of rad things. Today we'll be spotting some of the more innovative items offered for sale in their catalog, along with some very made-up product descriptions. However, all things considered, it's hardly satire:

We know the main concern of all you swimmers: how can I combine my love of diving with my love of music? Get the new speaker system from Aquaworks. What does it do?
It lets you listen to music...UNDERWATER!!!
$468.99 Product# 872901921

The perfect product for all you people with kids, the Waterskate 9000. Absolutely essential for all you parents out there who want your kids' drowning to look as accidental as possible.
$65.99 Product# 782010013

Too much of a lazy-ass to do any swimming? Get the new AquaBumper Boat,
great for all you people who want all the benefits of being in the pool
without all the drawbacks of exercise.
$127.99 Product# 938320015

Related item: the remote-controlled Pool Snack tray.
$45.99 Product# 519009274

And for all you lazy-ass people on land, there's also the Beverage Buggy.
$29.99 Product# 619309902

Got a deceased love one? Memorialize them with something you put your ass on:
the Remembrance Bench.
$65.99 Product# 411903021

You have an image problem? Worry no more!
Our wristbands are guaranteed to make you the posterboy for assholery.
$13.99 Product#778019246

New oversized rearview mirror helps you see your car's blindspots. Useful for spotting the Feds if they happen to be following you so you can hit them before they hit you.
Endorsed by Nas Escobar.
$19.99 Product# 8890405662

Going away for a while, or concerned about home security at night? Worry no more! Our new security spotlight uses motion detectors to spot potential intruders, flooding them with light and producing a loud alarm siren that will wake and alert you to the presence of dangerous individuals throughout the night. Solar-powered.
$148.99 Product# 782019403

The Howard Hughes Hyperbaric Toothbrush case, for all you people concerned about your toothbrush picking up any germs other than the ones it already gets from your mouth.
$35.99 Product# 22395961

The William Faulkner Side Table/Side Board. Beautiful furniture piece combines the two things Faulkner loved most: books and alcoholism.
$249.99 or buy 2 or more for $245.99 each! Product # 774020525

Solar-powered audio Bible. It never fails, except at night, just like the real Word of God!
$15.99 Product# 447890134

Pet Fence. Keeps pets out of certain areas of your home using the same innovative technology currently being employed to keep illegal immigrants out of the US.
$79.99-119.99 Product# 40850136

Bargain: Dog. Formerly owned by Michael Vick.
$39.99 Product# 33o050374

Is your masculinity often thrown into question because you don't have a taxidermied dinosaur in your living room? Worry no more! Our taxidermists stuff real T-Rex heads and mount them so the next time you entertain a big-game hunter who brags about the animals he illegally killed in Africa, you can show him up with that Tyrannosaurus head on your wall.
$489.99 Product# 882305631

Sumo Wrestler Caganer. Only relevant if you live in the Catalonia region of Spain. If you're not familiar with this tradition, please Google it right now.
$24.99 Product# 0240466425

Wanna freeze your shit? Now you can. Poop freeze.
$12.99 Product# 33023225

That's all I got this time, but there are many products from Sky Mall, so I'll spotlight some more as soon as I get around to reading their next catalog.

Rad Facial Expression #1

2008-05-25T22:58:00.001-05:00

Blogging!

2008-05-25T21:59:00.005-05:00

Ok, so I said I'd never blog, ever. Things change, though. Something occurred to me this weekend. There are lots of blogs out there for all kinds of rad things. However, there are no blogs for the things I find important, including impractical facial expressions, unconventional ways of walking, and especially awesome products of our terrific culture: the video game where 50 Cent fights terrorists is only one glorious example of the insights offered to us by our modern world:

So, Blog and Toad are Friends is now online! Be ready for rad-tasticness!